I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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