don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
