watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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