would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
