he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
