grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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