it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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