he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm both gender and math confused
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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