am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
