don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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