I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
