I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize