so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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