my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
