Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
