I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
