i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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