You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize