As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what day is it and did you see me today?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
