you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am mentally ready for anal.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
