I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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