i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
