i think i have herpe
just one?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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