to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've blown a few things in my day
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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