Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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