the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
