the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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