No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She's the barista slut.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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