k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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