Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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