We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
