On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
