You made me cry and you don't even care
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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