I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
