you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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