what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
