Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
