Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
