Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
