guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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