y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
