I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
