Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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