hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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