I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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