I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i will never coherently bang her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
