it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
