I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
