He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize