so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is it penis luge time yet?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
