Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
