But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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