Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
