I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
