OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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