I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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