some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
