haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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