Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you still have your period?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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