if you like me you must not know who I am
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
