i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
