I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
