dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
