why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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