You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
