he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize