Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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