I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
