I got chris browned last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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