woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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