Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
