it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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