just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
