Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize